God's Grace=Erase

Wow! I can't believe my last blog is from 2 weeks before the semester even started, now my first semester at UK is over. I've learned so much this semester, not only academically, but about myself. I have really grown up and I can now say that growing up is one of the hardest things I am continually forced to do.

Academically, I have loved most of my professors. Liked all of them. Even my TA's are wonderful! They have been extremely understanding with all my illness off and on this semester and very flexible with me. They have challenged me and inspired me, which is what I am supposed to get from a good education. Speaking of education, I finally figured out in all of the chaos of this semester that my passion in life, my sole desire is to love kids and to help them better themselves. So...I am becoming an elementary school teacher and I couldn't be more excited. Who gets to play with kiddo's, train the next generation, unlock potential, believe in fairytales and santa claus, and get summer breaks? I do! I am so excited to start working with kids everyday, I know it may not feel like it everyday, but everyday I will be doing something that makes a difference in the the long run--it reminds me of the quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson "To laugh often and much; To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded." If I can come close to this definition, I believe Emerson is correct, I will have succeeded.

I have also grown as person--partly because of the environment of UK and partly because I was forced to be on my own. I made quite a few new friends, all of whom are very dear to me. One of them has turned out to be the best friend I have ever had in my entire life. I'm not sure how to explain it, but I'm grateful to have someone who understands me, doesn't judge me, talks through things with me, and most of all loves me through all my mistakes. She's as good a they come in the best friend category. I will also tell you that I have, unlike most freshman, lost weight. Instead of gaining the traditional "freshman 15" I have actually lost 8 lbs since starting college. As for my weight loss, I'm down 55 lbs now but I still have a goal of losing another 20lb.

I can't say I've dealt with my issues all that well this semester, I've been up and I've been down. At the very beginning of the semester, I had trouble sleeping at night because I let things get to me so much. Later, I tried the good 'ol bottle it up method...which also didn't work out so well. I have done my fair share of crying, but the truth is I haven't really dealt with the issues. I made a promise to myself and to God though that I would let 2010 be a year of healing. I have to heal from past relationships, from trauma, and from pieces of my heart I've given away to the wrong guy. So as hard as it going to be as Hebrews 4:16 says "So let's walk right up to him and get what he is so ready to give. Take the mercy, accept the help."

So I started running in April of this year, like I literally hopped on a treadmill for the first time in my life to run. I seriously wanted to die even walking at 4.0 for a mile. I kept at it though and got a little better, by May I bought my first pair of real running shoes--my brooks'. In June I ran/walked 2.7 miles with my sister-in-law. And throughout the summer I trained to run a 5k but never got around to it. Now it's December and I typically run about 10-15 miles a week. I can run for a pretty decent amount of time on the treadmill, but today I began working on running on an actual surface. I ran a mile without stopping in 11:30 so that's not bad. My goal in 2010 is to run an 8 minute mile, treadmill or track I don't care. I am spieling about my running because I am beginning to train for a half-marathon. Although I have never ran even a 5k, I am going to run 13.1 miles by my birthday, March 28th. My sister-in-law is doing it with me, she is also making my training schedule. My goal is to finish it, I would like to be able to run the whole thing with a steady pace of 12 minute miles, but finishing is all I ask for.

I am also trying to really beginning taking steps of faith in my walk with Christ, because for the past year He was carrying me for most it. I just can't seem to wrap my head around the concept of God forgiving me for my sins. But God showed me the Book of Hebrews which explains all of it and makes it pretty clear. That doesn't mean I get it completely or accept it just yet, but I'm getting there. Hebrews 8:9-13 " This new plan I'm making with Israel isn't going to be written on paper, isn't going to be chiseled in stone; This time I'm writing out the plan in them, carving it on the lining of their hearts. I'll be their God, they'll be my people. They won't go to school to learn about me, or buy a book called God in Five Easy Lessons. They'll all get to know me firsthand, the little and the big, the small and the great. They'll get to know me by being kindly forgiven, with the slate of their sins forever wiped clean."

As for now I'm just a girl on a mission: 10 miles to build endurance for, 1 heart to heal, 1 Jesus who paid for my forgiveness... convincing myself to believe it's okay to make mistakes.

<3

abbyt.