There goes my hero...he's ordinary.

Alright, so I realize it's been quite sometime since I have used this thing, so all I have to say is wow. I don't even know where to begin.

Well I got accepted into UK so I'll be there next fall, and I am so excited for that. I think I'm going to rush so that will be good fun. I would say good clean fun, but you never know what'll happen.

So where to go next with this...

I think that the closest thing I have to a best friend at the moment is a wonderful girl I met through postsecret named renee. Seriously. It may sound weird, but it works. Alright so Ali and I..I dont know she just doesn't return my calls. Shelby claims I'm frustrating and refuses to speak. Ariana and I are all off and there like this wall between us. Taryn...I don't even know I think thats pretty much dissolved. Emily and I have always been close but I know I just I still can't seem to stop wondering about the real definition of best friend anyway. So I have been pretty much a loner for a while.

I also kind of shut a lot people out. I have good reason, it will just take time for me to explain it all. I had a pretty traumatic experience. I am not ready to really "talk," unless you're name happens to be renee and then I will keep you up til 4 am so that I'm not alone in the dark haha :). But seriously, if I have seemed distant, its because I have been. I am just not ready to go there yet.

I have been heavily relying on God, which has been very nice. He has become my only means of breathing. Everytime I breath in and breath out I never know if I'll be able to do it again, He keeps me breating. He keeps me safe. I feel His presence more now than ever, and all that I have comes from Him. Like the strength of even pushing myself out of bed in the morning.

I think I'll be stronger though, I know I will be. I know it will all be ok. But right now I just don't want to be alone, that's probably my biggest fear.

Alright so, what else? I have been losing weight and it's paying off Im in my goal jeans. Well my first goal jeans. I have made it through the first obstacle. I have a long way to go, but I'm doing this for the sake of my health just being healthy. I don't have to be skinny, just in shape and healthy.

Love life...lets not even discuss boys. There's always the off and on with summer boy. Right now we're friends, I love having a great guy friend. I would love him to be more, if we could have that summer back. But I don't know I guess things will play out the way they are meant to in the end.

I don't know what else there is to say. I have just been trying to get to know myself, I have a lot of time to think. I don't really care about grades much anymore. I mean if I pull some A's and some B's I'm happy It doesn't have to be perfect anymore. Nothing is perfect, and I am not in control.

So I gotta keep on keepin' on, I suppose.

xoabbyt.