Fire and Ice

So Christmas has come and gone. I must say although we were on a much tighter Christmas budget it was a very nice one. We didn't have a real, full tree though--just a mini pink pre-lit one and a charlie brown tree with silver balls. It was different. It was also the first Christmas having my parent being separated which was a bit unusual. My dad came late on Christmas day and brought funny gifts, which I'm pretty sure he had just purchased from any stores that were open that morning. It was nice spending a good amount of time with my brother and sister-in-law, they are wonderful. On Christmas day I also went to my mom's parents, it's a tradition. We were without power for a while, but it was still nice. We played all sorts of games and laughed, most of the grandkids are in college now (minus Aaron and Drew) so we all caught up on the semester. My only girl cousin announced her re-engagement to her boyfriend of 3 or 4 years now. We love him, he's a great guy. They are also going to be the first to give my grandparents their first great grandchild. She is due on May 21st and finds out on Monday the sex of the baby--she is set on believing it's a girl. She's picked the names Kailyn Lorraine for a girl and Ryder James, just in case it's a boy. I'm actually really excited that we'll have a baby crawling around. I mean I'm sure it will be a while until the next baby comes, but soon enough we will all be married and having kids. That's so scary to think that by the end of the next decade I could look back, be reading this exact post from my blog, and smile knowing this baby was just the beginning.

I am so excited for the next semester. It holds so many opportunities. I am going to be super duper busy, there is no doubt about that, but I will be loving every second of it. I am taking 18 hours, but if it kills me I'll gladly drop my 8 am Bio and take 15. I have a second interview for a job, it's a nannying/babysitting job for two young boys, I really hope I get it. The family seems great and it is really flexible, but a great way to gain more experience and gain contacts and references in Lexington for Elementary Education. I will also be working a little be for Tally Cats, getting more involved on campus, and trying to volunteer with whatever time is left after studying, working, and a social life. I hope I can balance it all and make another 4.0, that would just make for a fantastic non-freshman freshman year.

I learn more about myself each day, it a wonderful thing. I have realized that because of some of my scars from the past that I have 4 levels of trust. I have mistrust/first judgements--which for some will never move past, but for others is just the beginning. If you are trying to get to know me it usually doesn't take terribly long to move to mild trust from here. Mild trust--trust for newly formed friends. Most will never make it past this. They will stay on the surface level, they may be privy to some extra detail from my side, but they can't progress if I don't get to know them as well. It has to be a mutual progress. The leap from mild to moderate is like hoping on a motorcycle and jumping 24 school buses. Moderate is for those who truly care. I usually consider those who have made it this far my best friends, some are just great friends, but most are bests. These people don't want surface level conversations, they want to know me and my life and I theirs. Moderate trust is when I trust them 75%, which is a C it may only seem average...but it's far above average since most never make it there. Then there is the final level, Complete trust. Going from Moderate to Complete is like jumping the Grand Canyon...by foot. There are only 2 people who have ever made it here, my brother and my best friend Kelley. Kelley made it in 4 months, which I might add scared the crap out of me, but she did. My brother and I just have this bond, I would take a bullet for him. He is my role model. The closest person to getting in complete is my sister-in-law who has known me for 7 years, who knows just about everything about me. She is also a role model of mine because she is completely herself 100% of the time and I love that! She doesn't change herself for anyone and she is who she is. I respect and admire that. I'm sure she'll make it over the canyon soon. The only other person I think will ever make it is my husband, whoever he is. I might be surprised, a few more friends or family members might make it, but it would definitely take time. Learning things like this let me heal, let me treat others as they need to be not as I feel they should be (because some days I don't feel they should be treated well). I learn the good and the bad, but I take them in stride. They are a part of me. Some, I will work on, others...well I hope they never change.

You see I have this new friend in my life and for the first time in my life it is a guy and I don't feel romantically about him. He is just this wonderful guy that I've been lucky enough to stumble across and befriend. He is Christian, adventurous, caring, daring, funny, smart, sweet, easy to talk to, and simple. I get him. Most of the time I have this philosophy about guys: they're complicated. But not him! If we fight, we understand each other and it blows over. The conversation can go on and on without a single ounce of silence lingering in the air. I love it. He has a fresh perspective on so many things and he is so encouraging. He makes me want to be a better person. I like the idea of having a guy friend, it's simple and easy and fun. We can sit at the riverfront sipping sweet tea and coca-cola and have a great time. I am just so amazed that, I...I, can have a guy friend. I can and will and do and it's wonderful.

Training is officially underway for the Half-Marathon. I get 1 sometimes 2 days off a week, it's pretty intense. I will be running 6 miles by the end of january and 10 by the beginning of march. 13.1 miles here I come. I'm not really worried about time, I just want to finish. I ran 2 miles last week though on the track at the YMCA and I ran it in 18:22, thats 9:11 a mile!!! If I can run that pace on race day I'll be rockin'. I wasn't even straining myself or out of breath running at the pace, so I could probably get that pace comfortably and push myself at the end for that last adrenaline burst. I'm hoping if I can do this, which I really believe I can and will, after this I want to try a mini triatholon... 400 meter swim (16 laps in an olympic size pool), 10 mile bike ride, and 2.5 mile run. After the half-marathon the running will be cake, if I spend 1 of my cross training days swimming one week and then cycling one of them the next week after the half-marathon I would be able to train for a minitri in about 2-3 months instead of 6. This ought to be fun. I am really curious to see how in shape I'll get and how much more weight I'll lose in training, my goal is another 15-25 lbs by next year. If I complete a half-marathon, a minitri, and a couple small races I'll be in the best shape of my life.

1Corinthians16:14 Do everything in love.

<3

abbyt.

God's Grace=Erase

Wow! I can't believe my last blog is from 2 weeks before the semester even started, now my first semester at UK is over. I've learned so much this semester, not only academically, but about myself. I have really grown up and I can now say that growing up is one of the hardest things I am continually forced to do.

Academically, I have loved most of my professors. Liked all of them. Even my TA's are wonderful! They have been extremely understanding with all my illness off and on this semester and very flexible with me. They have challenged me and inspired me, which is what I am supposed to get from a good education. Speaking of education, I finally figured out in all of the chaos of this semester that my passion in life, my sole desire is to love kids and to help them better themselves. So...I am becoming an elementary school teacher and I couldn't be more excited. Who gets to play with kiddo's, train the next generation, unlock potential, believe in fairytales and santa claus, and get summer breaks? I do! I am so excited to start working with kids everyday, I know it may not feel like it everyday, but everyday I will be doing something that makes a difference in the the long run--it reminds me of the quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson "To laugh often and much; To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded." If I can come close to this definition, I believe Emerson is correct, I will have succeeded.

I have also grown as person--partly because of the environment of UK and partly because I was forced to be on my own. I made quite a few new friends, all of whom are very dear to me. One of them has turned out to be the best friend I have ever had in my entire life. I'm not sure how to explain it, but I'm grateful to have someone who understands me, doesn't judge me, talks through things with me, and most of all loves me through all my mistakes. She's as good a they come in the best friend category. I will also tell you that I have, unlike most freshman, lost weight. Instead of gaining the traditional "freshman 15" I have actually lost 8 lbs since starting college. As for my weight loss, I'm down 55 lbs now but I still have a goal of losing another 20lb.

I can't say I've dealt with my issues all that well this semester, I've been up and I've been down. At the very beginning of the semester, I had trouble sleeping at night because I let things get to me so much. Later, I tried the good 'ol bottle it up method...which also didn't work out so well. I have done my fair share of crying, but the truth is I haven't really dealt with the issues. I made a promise to myself and to God though that I would let 2010 be a year of healing. I have to heal from past relationships, from trauma, and from pieces of my heart I've given away to the wrong guy. So as hard as it going to be as Hebrews 4:16 says "So let's walk right up to him and get what he is so ready to give. Take the mercy, accept the help."

So I started running in April of this year, like I literally hopped on a treadmill for the first time in my life to run. I seriously wanted to die even walking at 4.0 for a mile. I kept at it though and got a little better, by May I bought my first pair of real running shoes--my brooks'. In June I ran/walked 2.7 miles with my sister-in-law. And throughout the summer I trained to run a 5k but never got around to it. Now it's December and I typically run about 10-15 miles a week. I can run for a pretty decent amount of time on the treadmill, but today I began working on running on an actual surface. I ran a mile without stopping in 11:30 so that's not bad. My goal in 2010 is to run an 8 minute mile, treadmill or track I don't care. I am spieling about my running because I am beginning to train for a half-marathon. Although I have never ran even a 5k, I am going to run 13.1 miles by my birthday, March 28th. My sister-in-law is doing it with me, she is also making my training schedule. My goal is to finish it, I would like to be able to run the whole thing with a steady pace of 12 minute miles, but finishing is all I ask for.

I am also trying to really beginning taking steps of faith in my walk with Christ, because for the past year He was carrying me for most it. I just can't seem to wrap my head around the concept of God forgiving me for my sins. But God showed me the Book of Hebrews which explains all of it and makes it pretty clear. That doesn't mean I get it completely or accept it just yet, but I'm getting there. Hebrews 8:9-13 " This new plan I'm making with Israel isn't going to be written on paper, isn't going to be chiseled in stone; This time I'm writing out the plan in them, carving it on the lining of their hearts. I'll be their God, they'll be my people. They won't go to school to learn about me, or buy a book called God in Five Easy Lessons. They'll all get to know me firsthand, the little and the big, the small and the great. They'll get to know me by being kindly forgiven, with the slate of their sins forever wiped clean."

As for now I'm just a girl on a mission: 10 miles to build endurance for, 1 heart to heal, 1 Jesus who paid for my forgiveness... convincing myself to believe it's okay to make mistakes.

<3

abbyt.

Torn at the Crossroads

Where to begin? I cannot believe in 9 days I will be moved in at UK, that is so exciting. There is so much to talk about so this could take awhile.

I am doing very well in my spanish class. For the past two tests I have had the highest grade in the class which has truly amazed me. I learned nothing for HCHS spanish...and I took it 2 years ago so it's a miracle. I am really enjoying it though, I just hope SPA 102 at UK doesn't masacre me. I will also be volunteering at Maxwell Elementary this semester, which is a Spanish Immersion school. Half of the curriculum is taught to the students in spanish, by the time they leave for middle school they are fluent in spanish. I can't wait to have a glimpse into the program.

K-Week at UK is going to be amazing there is so much to do, I can't believe it's almost here. I still have so much to do in so little time. I need to get my A-game back on.

This week I am helping out at the local elementary school, east heights. I really love kids and so I am shadowing a teacher to see if it's something I could see myself doing.

So I am having an epiphany about Love. That I have a complete and total fear of it. Not just in relationships but in the spirtual way as well. I am going to attempt to be vulnerable and just be myself, being open to the possibility of love from others in relationships. I am also going to try to begin to fall in love with Jesus for the first time. I just recently was able to admit a secret I had been carrying, I had never read the gospels. So last night after watching southland's first week of the IT series, which might I say really opened the eyes of my heart even more, I began reading the first two chapters of Matthew. You can view the southland IT series here: http://www.southlandchristian.org/media/series/it/ well worth your time. I also bought a book called Crazy Love by Francis Chan that I am giving a chance. I want to experience that imtimate one-on-one with Jesus, my heavenly father, my Creator.

Now onto the Crossroads... can you guess what it could possibly be about? We've covered school, jesus, the only thing left is...boys. So I'm between a rock and hard place basically. I have a really tough decision to make. You see I am standing at this crossroads, there are two roads. One is a lot longer, but it could end in a cliff and its pretty bumpy...it has a rough past. I don't know whether to trust that road to get me safely to end or if it could end up damaging me. The other road is fairly short and new, it looks as if there are hardly any flaws. I don't know if this road will go very far or if it will make me happier in the long run. So which road do I take? Which do I choose? I would go down both if I could but I can't. And is this the time you "take the road less traveled by" and go for the bumpy ride, but have the robert frost ending "...and it made all the difference." Do you try something that looks too good to be true? Someone please give me some solid and sound adivce.

xoabbyt.

Chronicles of an Insomniac

Well the summer is truly passing be by, I have a mere 3 weeks left to enjoy. I will be sad to see it go, but I am also way excited for UK. I have my roommate, my dorm, most of the things I need, my schedule, a job everything. Since I'm so excited I'll share details.

My roommate is a really sweet girl, we've talked a little. She is from GA not far from ATL so it will be awesome to get her perspective on KY. We didn't really go random, but basically. We found each other through the UK 2013 group, there was a roommate survey and we both wanted to be in the same dorms so it worked out.

We got in our first choice, Donovan. It's all girls, which I am excited about, most people look at me like a crazy person for CHOOSING to live there. A big benefit, it has The Underground...a complete gym in our basement, I am stoked about that.

Dorm supply shopping has been fun I don't have much left to get. I still need a printer, a fridge, and clothes. Otherwise I will be packing the last of my things in the next couple of weeks in preparation.

I finally finalized my schedule, after 10-20 changes...I kid you not. I am taking all 100 level classes so it shouldn't kill me even though it'll be 18 hours worth.

I also went up to Lexington a couple weeks ago for a job interview on campus, I got the job. I will be working at Ovid's Cafe in the library 2 days a week for 14 hours. It will be extra money and I hope to save as much of it as possible, I'm a big saver :).

So everythings in place just waiting in anticipation, man I can't wait!

Other than college stuff nothing else is really new, Marshalls is still...Marshalls ha! Boys...let's not go there...ever. It's just not a public topic really and it's not really all that exciting. Since ex-boy and I broke up I haven't dated anyone else if that says anything, a year and half. My spanish class is pretty fun and also pretty easy which is great. I hope I'll be prepared for 102 in the fall at UK.

Otherwise life is the same. I think it's about to get pretty crazy these next few weeks, I'll try to stay up to date.

xoabbyt.

The Joy is in This Place

Also at that time, people will say, "Look at what's happened! This is our God! We waited for him and he showed up and saved us! This God, the one we waited for! Let's celebrate, sing the joys of his salvation. God's hand rests on this mountain!"

Isaiah 25:9

Praise be to the King of Kings, that's all there is to say. Again and again, over and over, a million times declare it. God has blessed me immeasurably these past couple of months, after what seems like season after seaon of trials and darkness in my life. But finally there is light, there is laughter, and there is praise. I have to confess before Aug. 08 I wasn't being real with God, I wasn't giving him my all. I didn't treat him as a bride should her husband, as a friend should treat another-- not until August. Even when that moment in August arrived it was extremely hard to lay down 17 and half years worth of "stuff," just useless junk I had built my life on and filled my heart with. But slowly the Potter remolded my heart, remolding the clay of my heart. I got it right this time, building on Jesus walking with him daily. It is a real relationship with intimate moments shared between just the two of us and I love getting to share every moment of every day with Him. The remolding of my heart took me through some extremely trying times in my life. I thought I had seen the darkest days in my life just one year exactly before this life-changing event, but this broke my spirit and soul and crushed my heart. I felt the flame I had burning for Jesus was nothing but embers and then I realized that He was all I had left and began clinging with all that I had left of my heart, spirit, and soul. When I made the decision to allow him to heal me and see me in my brokeness he held me like a father hold's a child for the first time, and whispered that it would all be okay (2 Corinthians 1:3-7). I couldn't whole-heartedly believe this promise but I trusted my Jesus still. I knew that there was a reason and a purpose for these darkened days, there was going to be a rainbow after the storm. After I was able to begin dealing with people again, I made the decision to seek counseling. I saw a counselor from December until March every week. I also was put on anti-depressants which were the best thing for me at the time. I continued my daily walk with my Savior and began slowly to adapting again to the social world around me. God was doing things in me I wasn't even realizing, but he was giving me strength, His strength (Ephesians 3:16). He pieced my heart back together in four short months, in the arrangement He would have it. He rejuvinated my soul, refreshing it with His holy words and promises. But most of all he changed my spirit, for God did not give us a spirit of timidity but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline (2 Timothy 1:7). In March, just before my 18th birthday, I talked to my counselor and doctor and came to an agreement...it was time to come off of the anti-depessants. In those three months without anti-depressants, life has been good--scratch that--great! I have been the happiest I think I have ever been in my life. I believe that is thanks to Jesus and learning a good lesson, take in the small things they add up to the biggest things--like happiness. I love gorgeous Kentucky sunsets, praise songs, old couples taking walks together, waving at my neighbors, smiling at customers, birds that fly and chirp, the fountains at the river front, my amazing family, running til sweat is running down my face, and waking up with a smile on my face every morning. Life is good thanks to so many people helping me through these hard times to make it to the good ones. Some of you didn't even know you were helping, but like I said it's the small things. So thank you, all of you. As for now, I have a new season in my life that is just beginning and it's looking rather bright and promising. I whole-heartedly trust God and the plans he has for my life (Jeremiah 29:11-13). This school-year I got to put a quote in the yearbook since I was a Senior, I chose a beautiful quote by Robert Frost: "If I can sum up everything I've learned about life in three words I would say: it goes on."

Again thank you to everyone who helped me make it through this year, I love you all. Remember tomorrows a new day, to take it the small things, and that there is hope. Praise God (Psalm 40)!


After looking at the way things are on this earth, here's what I've decided is the best way to live: Take care of yourself, have a good time, and make the most of whatever job you have for as long as God gives you life. And that's about it. That's the human lot. Yes, we should make the most of what God gives, both the bounty and the capacity to enjoy it, accepting what's given and delighting in the work. It's God's gift! God deals out joy in the present, the now. It's useless to brood over how long we might live.

Ecclesiastes 5:18

Love love love

I have never posted twice in one day. But today is special! I finally set up a YOUTUBE account. That's right friends I just now got one. I have never really watched anything on there. So I surfed and found some cool vid's and then using my webcam attempted my own. They aren't awful, just slightly awkward since they are my first. But they will get better. And there will be more! I am excited, I will officially be a blogger and vlogger how ultra techy am I...or is that just ultra nerdy maybe they are the same who knows. But if you ever want to see some of my personal favorite vid's or actually hear my voice and see me giving you an update you can check that out over at:
www.youtube.com/abbytaylove

So come check it out sometime.

xoabbyt.

'Cause it's a winding road...I still have hope...We're gonna find our way home

I was told I haven't blogged lately, which is pretty true but I have been crazy busy but I guess I should still keep some updates posted on my life. So I guess I'll try to keep up a little better than once a month, eek.

Updates, hmm where to begin:
It is official that my parents will be getting a divorce. My dad moved out about a week ago and is living in his own apartment and my mom is finally back in the house after a little over two months. I am okay with that but I know it will be hard on both of them and it will be a struggle to support me through the next 3 or 4 years of college.

It's also official that I am the worse advisee, ever! I scheduled almost a month ago and since then have changed my schedule close to 5 times, she must hate me. But my tuition money is paying for her, so at least it isn't for nothing.

My dad is recovered pretty well from his heart attack. He was walking and talking through the whole thing about two weeks ago but he had to stay in the hospital for 3 days and get a stint but he is doing much better. He knows he has to make some lifestyle changes, I hope he does them instead of wasting the knowledge.

My dad doesn't have the greatest health genes in the world, actually close to the worst which is why I have promised myself to be healthy. I have shed 45 lbs since october 2008. I was in 16's and bulging about to be in 18's when I knew that I couldn't stand being that weight any more, nor was it good for my health with my health history playing against me. So I am now in 12's and 10's, to be at a healthy BMI which is my goal I have 21 more lbs to go. I would love to lose a little more than that so that I'm not constantly one or two lbs away from being overweight but right now I just want to make that 21 lb mark hopefully by august. I am trying to reduce my cholesterol as well, it wasn't awful but it could definitely be better so I have been working on that. I just hope that in the long run it gives me some sort of advantage in not having half his health issues.

I had an amazing trip to WKU the past 2 and half days. I arrived midday monday and stayed midday wednesday. I saw almost everyone I was hoping to see, which makes me really happy. It was so great to see everyone after being apart for so long. I also met a couple new friends which is always exciting, one of my favorite things so I also enjoyed that. I loved staying with my best friend Taryn and then with my long time friend Bethany. I loved having so much time to have quiet time with Jesus to be one on one and talk to him and get in the Word. This week I have been learning and trying to understand and comprehend and accept God's grace. I heard a lot of opinions on what exactly God's grace is and I also was introduced to some awesome scripture that really captured my heart. I love The Message's translation of 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 and John 9:1-3. I have gained some wisdom and opened my heart to learning more and allowing God to show me grace in His own way. I know I don't deserve grace but I know I desperately need it.

I am leaving for UK in the morning to go hang out and get a feel for my future school. I am excited and nervous all at the same time. I hope it's great :)!

I think that's about all the updates I have for now. I will try to do better I promise.

xoabbyt.

In Like a Lion--Out Like a Lamb

So my first annoyance is that blogger definitely doesn't have arabic typesetting as a font, which if you didnt know, is my favorite. I know that is the lamest way to start a blog after three months of not writing, which I am deeply and truly sorry for. A lot has happened, I can't believe time just kind of flew past me.

I am about to be in the last semester of my senior year! I can't believe it...graduation, prom, the whole thing it's almost here. And I have finally decided upon University of Kentucky. They offered a small scholarship but I think I'll be really happy there. I picked a girl from GA to room with, I met her in the UK class of 2013 group on facebook she seems great. I just didn't want to go random. I am think majoring exercise science for pre-physical therapy, communication disorders for pre-speech pathology or elementary education. Back to high school though, I think I have found my perfect prom dress! I am going to try in on this weekend.

Speaking on clothes and trying things on, I went shopping this past weekend because I have now lost almost 40 lbs. Yes, I know WOAH! It's amazing. I feel so much better. I have 26 more lbs to lose to be at a healthy weight range for my height but I am officially out of the obese category. My goal is to be at a healthy weight by the time I leave for college. That will mean 66 lbs! AHHH! I have already lost 2 sizes so hopefully another 2 are to be lost as well.

I have been in this mood to write again lately, I don't know whether it's like a yearning to write like a short story or poetry. I wrote a poem for the first time in a year about 2 weeks ago, it felt good. We'll see if I crank anything out here soon.

Things have been going alright for the most part. I am working with special education children at my high school as well as the elementary school, I love it so much at the elementary school. It is the high light of my day. My parents have been separated for almost 6 weeks now and its looking like a divorce but I am actually okay with that. I am about to go to a big science competition, I went to one a couple of weeks ago and placed in 3 categories. I am also going to be 18 in less than 3 weeks yay!

I also just got laid off/fired my boss was clear that I wouldn't be coming back unless a improvement plan was made but I don't think it will be since that would require changing who I am, but it's only telemarketing 6 hours a week so who cares. I am going on a job hunt.

I think that is all the news I have for now.

xoabbyt.