Folsom Prison Blues

I truly have become a blogging addict. I love it! It's such a fantastic way to vent what I need to. Some of you stumble across my blog randomly while others check it to keep posted on what's going on in my life. So thanks for reading :).

I want to make one note on the previous blog. Someone suggested today that I should be titles agnostic, but that would mean I believe in a higher power but don't worship it. I don't even know if I believe there is a "higher power" so I would like to be called neither atheist nor agnostic...I think the word confused will fit. Maybe I should just make a new word for all the people like me out there, because I know I can't be the only one to ever feel this way and go through this kind of experience.

Homework is beginning it's consumption of my life. I have quite a bit to read tonight as well as a quiz everyday for the next week. Then Im sure many tests will come. I think I have enough of a challenge without killing myself, but I must say I don't have all that much slack that you would expect for a senior.

I am counting down the days, there are 168 of them left HOORAH!

In Grey's Anatomy Meredith Grey does a voiceover saying "I don’t know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I’d say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure. Fear of pain. Fear of rejection. Sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you’re wrong? What if you make a mistake you can’t undo? Whatever it is we're afraid of, one thing holds true: that by the time the pain of not doing the thing gets worse than the fear of doing it, it can feel like we're carrying around a giant tumor."

You're probably wondering why in the world I would quote that. It is because I believe it to be truth. Humans are naturally and instinctively driven by fear. Sometimes it is a good fear that motivates us. Like fear of heart disease if we gain anymore weight, so we beginning excercising. There's also many unhealthy fears. Fear of failure. Perfectionist's, like myself, almost always live with a fear of this. Because of this in many cases and situations we don't try. We don't try to become an astronaut because we think we would make a better teacher or that we aren't good enough to get in law school so why bother.

The fear that consumes most seniors at one point or another during their senior year is the fear of making a decision. Ali, my wise friend, noted that the decision of your choice of continuing education impacts almost everything for the rest of your life. It can depend on what you make, what jobs are available to you, what opportunities you have, your networking, your spouse, your kids, where you will live, all of this and more. Just because of where you decided to study for college. I don't know about you but that is a bit overwhelming. The thing is we have to trust our gut. We have to wholeheartedly believe we made the right decision in which ever we choose because if we don't we begin to look for reasons why we shouldn't have gone with this. We begin to compare it to where we could have been. We wonder what our lives would be like if only we had chosen the other school.

I have a hard time with this myself, seeing as I have never been a person to really just go with my gut but I am growing up and I need to do more of that. People with dissapoint you again and again, religion may come up short, and philosophies can only help us to begint o understand ourselves and the world around us. You have to put faith in yourself. You have to know that you are doing what's best for you. I wrestle with this everyday, trying desperately to conquer the other side of me that wants to believe everyone but myself.

In my heart I really believe UK is where I am suppose to be. I am going to follow my heart, are you?

I have 2 more things to address before I let you slip back into reality. I have a lovely note to Fallon.

Dear Bunny/Neuna(pronounced Noo-Nuh),

Your note once again was boring. I can't believe it is so hard for you to try and change your style of writing thats so funny to me. I hope I remember to meet you tomorrow and give you Cole's necklace thing. I know you didn't say anything, I promise I trust you 100%. After I read your note I felt bad for not going to get food, you could have told me. It's just I was going to talk to...well you know. I love how in your note your all like ohh J I like him so much and then you get in my car and are like I think we're through. You need to pick one! Im going to be really sad when the icy place closes for the rest of the year :(. Im sorry I know my note is rather boring too. Oh and if you want a ride my car will be a little closer to school since iM getting there earlier so just let me know if you want to or not when I meet you tomorrow.

I love you!!

Finally I want to post what I believe is the Class of '09 Song. I think it really sums up what/who we are. It talks about celebrating and overcoming. Making it through. Although we have 168 days to go I think this is going to be my song for the Class of '09, enjoy.

Change: Taylor Swift
It's a sad picture, the final blow hits you
Somebody else gets what you wanted
again, you know it's all the same
Another time and place
Repeating history your getting sick of it.

But I believe in whatever you do
And I'll do anything
To see it through

Because these things
Will change, we can feel it now
These walls that they put up to hold us back will fall down
It's a revolution
That's how we'll come
Who we're supposed to be
We'll sing hallelujah We'll sing hallelujah Oh

So you've been out numbered
Raided, out cornered
It's hard to fight when the fight ain't fair
You're getting stronger now find things they never found
They might be better but we're faster
And never scared
You can walk away say that we don't need this
There's something in your eyes says we can beat this

Because these things will change we can feel it now
These walls that they put up to hold us back will fall down
It's a revolution it's how we'll become who we're
We'll sing hallelujah We'll sing hallelujah Oh

Tonight we're standing on our feet to fight for what we worked
For all these years the battle of long it's the fight of our lives
We'll stand up champions tonight
And it's the night things changed

We can see it now these walls that they put up to hold us back fell down
It's a revolution throw your hands up
Cause we never gave in
We'll sing hallelujah We'll sang hallelujah
Hallelujah