Confusionism

Today is not a good day at all. I feel like I'm a nobody when I walk through those halls, but when it comes to the talk of the halls man, I'm everybody. When I returned from wku I was the talk of all talk. It died down over the summer. It's back

This time about the stupidest thing. My personal life--my religion. Apparently before I was what is being deemed as "super religious". Now, like coming out of the gay closet, I have apparently declared my atheism. It has spread from freshman to senior. The thing is thats not exactly true. I am what I have termed as confusionism. I do not accept nor reject religion. I do care, but I am trying to figure things out for myself, instead of consuming what has been spoonfed to me for 17 years. I don't know what I really believe about God so I dont want to still say Im christian and act like a hypocrite or I could just say I am confused and try to figure it out. But not in my small town, but huge high school. No, not for me. I have to be at the top of the gossip chain.

A lot of you may not agree with me being upset about this but I am so this is just me venting how I feel.

I am just so annoyed, offended, ashamed, and confused.

I thought about ending my 6 months, for the first time since but I didnt. Im just walking around in the dark. I dont feel like there are tangible answers to any of this.

Not to help my day a pretty good friend of mine was in a really bad car wreck today. Luckily he is alive. He flipped he expedition 3 times and broke 2 vertebrae in his back. He also has a concussion. He wont have to go through surgery but he is on bedrest for 2 weeks and he will have a back brace for 3 months and probably have to endure some physical therapy. My graduating high school class has seen 6 deaths. I am so sick of car wrecks.

That brings me to my next point.
Im fed up with immaturity, you may think the way I feel is immature so Im sorry if that is the case. I just Im ready to graduate and go start my like at UK, far far away.

Im over highschool, the drama, the shallowness, the racism, the conceitedness, the immaturity, the stupidity, the carelessness, the apathy.

I just dont know what I believe, there for I am a confusionist. I will try not to think about those thoughts.

No promises, no garuntees in the outcome.

xoabbyt.