After talking to some of my close friends who let me vent yesterday I feel slightly better. One of them suggested getting further testing, that maybe the way I felt so awful wasn't my fault. I took her advice and I took the online pre-screenings which told me I should come in for further testing so I have an appointment set up for monday, I have a feeling that whatever has got me in this funk is going to get figured out. Some people around me were getting worried, if I could tell them anything it would be not to be worrying about me. One of my close friends told me to paint to feel better, I painted what I like to think is a masterpiece and will eventually post a picture of it but it was my form of therapy and venting--it felt good. I have never thought of myself as an artistic type, nor have I ever painted outside of elementary school but it was AMAZING. I am going to buy my own canvas's and paint and do it when I'm feeling down, it's so calming and I'm able to express my emotions without words. You think why is someone blogging if they can't express themselves or isnt that what she's doing, but no I'm not. Some of the issues I can't and won't talk about on here not only for safety, but for people not thinking I'm a crazy, for people who are in my life to be able to talk to me more. On my CPS project that is due by next friday I made a lot of progress and am really happy with it at the moment. This weekend will be a great time to relax and just catch up on things. I'm nervous for my first Art Appreciation test on monday but I'll do alright. This weekend will require some work but it will be worth it.
Next I am kind of in shock at all the Britney Spear's news coverage, I mean really. There is more about her on the nightly news than the war in Iraq the primaries for the election and every other major thing going on with our nation. It's slightly ridiculous how the Spears and Simpson families seem to control the media.
On to boy, I had a long talk with my paint friend about him tonight. It felt good to just be able to get to talk about him as much as I wanted to, sometimes I feel bad that people have to listen to me go on and on. I mean he's just that great though, you really don't understand. I'm praying he doesn't break my heart, because I am definitely putting it out on the line. He'll probably kill me if he sees that I put this but whatever--we talked about past relationship recently and this was the outcome. I have dated at longest 9 months off and on and I mean come on that was middle school. He has been with someone a year and half maybe a little over. I have unfortunately kissed 9 guys, and he has kissed no girls. One on the cheek granted but beyond that nope. I think that is the most amazing thing. Don't get me wrong I would absolutely love to be his first but I want him to give it to someone he really cares about, he has waited this long he should wait to give it to someone he is really sure about. Just yesterday was the 2 month mark, and I don't think he has any clue since the first time we ate lunch together after our conversation about dating on that I have kept track. No we still aren't official but that is by choice, but sometime in february we plan to be. How he is going to make it official I don't know, but he's one creative kid. In real life I have stopped calling him boy, only when I really must--but use of the real name implies that I'm pretty serious. I really like him, and I'm hoping for once taking it slow will win the race.
I think that's enough for my blogventing!
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