One fairy godmother please?

Where do I even begin? The last time you were reading from me you read about my efforts at cleaning for my boy and his visit. I had a great time with him and wish I could repeat that day over and over again, but I can't. I had to leave on new year's day to head back to school. When I arrived it was about 15 degrees and I had to carry massive loads to my room from my car, it took 9 trips--then I was left to unpack. It was strange being back not seeing John Mark. After everyone was settled back there was a prayer service for his family, and it wasn't until I went to give my friend Suzanna a hug that I just absolutely broke down crying my eyes out. I don't know what caused me to lose it, but I did right there. My RA, the one I mentioned who was exactly like me took me aside to talk and calm down afterward. Before I go on can I mention when I returned we had the exact same shoes from the same store and we both usually wear 8's but it felt "tight" so we both got 8.5's, I was super freaked out by that one. Anyways so no much talking got done but I came to the realization that I have depression, and that it's controlling a lot of stuff in my life. For some of you who know me who are reading this you are probably like what, there is no way she is depressed she is way happy. I put up a good act most of the time, on the inside I am crying out. Coming to terms with it was a big step for me, but I had a rough night trying to figure out how to express myself, I had attempted to write and to talk about it but it wasn't working. I thought of something that would allow me to express myself but I knew I couldn't be that stupid and I called my friend and family group sister Emily and she talked to me about how she's been there. I was comforted to be understood for the first time without having to say anything more that my crying on the other end of the phone. The next day began Art Appreciation, and it's alright but it's really quite dull. There is a lot to be done, I still have a fall semester class to finish an assignment for and I have to prepare for my current class and my up coming ones. I am having a lot of issues that I just want to scream and I want to vent and talk about but like I said depression has been controlling me...a lot and so I just can't. I can cry out as much as I want but it's not working. I have been reminded God wouldn't give me stuff I can't handle, and that God doesn't care about my past and yada-yada. I need a God who carries me through this storm, I am just too weak to keep fighting this battle. I don't know what to do any more. I probably sound somewhat of a psycho now but that's one thing I am not. I am a normal person who has a lot of stuff to deal with. I just want to be able to talk about what's bothering me, I want to be happy, I want to have answers, and I want to stop feeling awful all the time.
I need a fairy godmother.