Welcome to the Jungle

I don't even know where to begin. You have no idea how much can happen in 10 days.

Let's start with the good stuff...I like to hear the good news before the bad.

I am really proud of myself. This year I have really put everything behind me and let the past live in the past. A lot of people who I considered "enemies" are now friends of mine. Also I have never been good at having guy friends but this year I have quite a few. I am trying to really focus of my studies this year. I have joined about 4 clubs which I will really try to dedicate myself to.

I may have a job, Ill know for sure after this week is over. So thats a plus. It would only be 6 hours a week, and I would make atleast 42 dollars more than likely around 70 so thats some extra spending/gas money.

I am set on UK however when it comes to majors I have no idea. Im considering Political Science, Linguistics, and Foreign Languages more than anything else but Im going in as undeclared...as well as 3 hours shy of being a sophomore. I may try to take a summer course at the community college just so I can full be a sophomore.

I don't have any crazy love life boy drama which is such a nice change. No point in getting attached before going off to college.

I still really love all of my classes, I dont know if Ill love them so much after my first test grade but we'll see. My hardest class is Organic Chem. I am really enjoying Anatomy and Art. Both are classes I just thought Id be apathetic about. English isn't too challenging, but it's about to get harder and harder I can tell. I hope I can make it through that class alright.

I am starting to figure some things out about my beliefs. I think I was just a crossroads, a point where all I had was blindness. I have started trying to read the bible to figure out some answers. I am going to church tomorrow for the first time in over a month. I know a lot of people really care about me and I am so thankful to have amazing people like that in my life. My wondering heart is beginning to emerge from the darkness. One thing I can say is that if I do fall on the path I was on before I will believe whole heartedly and I will not act the same. I didnt think I put people below me, but I did. I will not make that same mistake.

Ali is leaning more and more toward UK which makes me really happy. I would so love to be at the same place together. I miss her terribly. I am just really thankful we take the time to talk most everyday. She is one of the biggest blessings in my life, and she is my best friend.

I think that covers the good.
I am in such a good mood I dont even want to discuss the bad so I'll leave it at that and let all of you be happy as well.

I am so excited to see how my senior year plays out. I need to get my camera battery charged and start taking tons of pictures.

To all of you who care about me and take the time to read this, I appreciate it and you mean a lot to me.

Enjoy the 3 day weekend!

xoabbyt.

The Lion Sleeps Tonight

Things have been improving since my last blog, in case you were wondering. It was just a really crappy day. I just didn't feel like I had a lot of hope that day. Things are pretty peachy right about now though. Its been a good weekend.

I spent the night with my friend S on friday, on saturday we went shopping. I got this adorable dresss and 2 pair of jeans. I also bought 2 pair of sunglasses and a ring. My favorite item had to be my new back pack. Am I a nerd or what? No but seriously this backpack is so awesome. It is Zebra Print! My sister-in-law got me addicted to Zebra print. By the way, it is really in right now so you too should jump on the band wagon. But its really cute plus it has pink zippers and stitching so that adds to just how fabulous it truly is.

We played wii for a while and then went to the best mexican resteraunt you will ever eat at...Los Toribios. We rented Vantage Point, which I highly reccomend. It was a very good action/thriller. We watched this documentary about high school students in china to kill sometime because we were going to sneak out and go play a prank but we got tired. So we were like we'll wake up in the middle of the night and do it, but we didnt we were so tired.

I have basically been doing homework all day. I have a test everyday until thursday boo! I really need to start figuring out a way to balance everything better. I am going to call about this job and hopefully get a little extra spending money yay!! I do have homework it's just not a terribly taxing amount. I couldnt have to work everyday but a few nights wouldn't be awful.

I am still pretty set on UK, I think I'm going to stay with Ali, who all of you know is my wise friend. She does exsists by the way, she thinks I make her sound like my invisible yoda or something. She lives in lexington so I will do another tour when I see her.

I will keep promoting Obama on my blog, so if your a McCain fan Im sorry. You will only have to hear about it until november 4. On november 5th hopefully I will get to write a very happy blog.

One thing I hate about being friends with guys is mixed signals. Either you both like each other or one of you does. There is always confusion as to which one it is though. I feel like in the situation Im in, that it is both but I dont want to be wrong.

Last night I got my first drunk dial call. It was interesting to say the least.

Postsecret is really good this week, if you don't know what it is you really need to check it out.
www.postsecret.com

Tomorrow night Im going to see the governor speak, I am so excited. I am such a politics geek. I really think Political Science would be a perfect major for me. Who knows maybe I'll be the governor one day, or maybe a lawyer.

I really believe you should follow your dreams no matter what. If they seem impossible, they probably are but if you work at it, I truly believe even the impossible can come true. I'm going to work toward my dream of doing something to better every person. I want to help my county, I love America. I want to see our country as the giant melting pot it was meant to be. I want to see America rise to the top again, because I believe that it is possible. I want to be part of that change.

I think thats all of the random rants I have.
Other than I love where I am at in my life right now.
I hate that my sims isn't working.
I'll be really glad when I can be done with the Invisible Man.
I am super excited for the new fall season of tv shows to start.
I am in love with the olympics.

I don't know if any of this helped or mattered but you can always leave a comment to let me know what you think. I think I can take constructive criticism.

xoabbyt.

Confusionism

Today is not a good day at all. I feel like I'm a nobody when I walk through those halls, but when it comes to the talk of the halls man, I'm everybody. When I returned from wku I was the talk of all talk. It died down over the summer. It's back

This time about the stupidest thing. My personal life--my religion. Apparently before I was what is being deemed as "super religious". Now, like coming out of the gay closet, I have apparently declared my atheism. It has spread from freshman to senior. The thing is thats not exactly true. I am what I have termed as confusionism. I do not accept nor reject religion. I do care, but I am trying to figure things out for myself, instead of consuming what has been spoonfed to me for 17 years. I don't know what I really believe about God so I dont want to still say Im christian and act like a hypocrite or I could just say I am confused and try to figure it out. But not in my small town, but huge high school. No, not for me. I have to be at the top of the gossip chain.

A lot of you may not agree with me being upset about this but I am so this is just me venting how I feel.

I am just so annoyed, offended, ashamed, and confused.

I thought about ending my 6 months, for the first time since but I didnt. Im just walking around in the dark. I dont feel like there are tangible answers to any of this.

Not to help my day a pretty good friend of mine was in a really bad car wreck today. Luckily he is alive. He flipped he expedition 3 times and broke 2 vertebrae in his back. He also has a concussion. He wont have to go through surgery but he is on bedrest for 2 weeks and he will have a back brace for 3 months and probably have to endure some physical therapy. My graduating high school class has seen 6 deaths. I am so sick of car wrecks.

That brings me to my next point.
Im fed up with immaturity, you may think the way I feel is immature so Im sorry if that is the case. I just Im ready to graduate and go start my like at UK, far far away.

Im over highschool, the drama, the shallowness, the racism, the conceitedness, the immaturity, the stupidity, the carelessness, the apathy.

I just dont know what I believe, there for I am a confusionist. I will try not to think about those thoughts.

No promises, no garuntees in the outcome.

xoabbyt.

I hope

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BHEO_fG3mm4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ghSJsEVf0pU
Check the video, Listen closely, Take it to heart, Register, Vote, Make a Difference, Change the World.

This is something you need to see. This empowers me, it encourages me to have faith in a nation I believe so much. So to U.S.A., YES WE CAN!

I believe in a better tomorrow, in a better future. I believe in change. I believe in my generation. I believe in hope. I believe that our problems have solutions. I believe in diversity. I believe in unity. I believe in someone who believes in me.

What do you believe?

Folsom Prison Blues

I truly have become a blogging addict. I love it! It's such a fantastic way to vent what I need to. Some of you stumble across my blog randomly while others check it to keep posted on what's going on in my life. So thanks for reading :).

I want to make one note on the previous blog. Someone suggested today that I should be titles agnostic, but that would mean I believe in a higher power but don't worship it. I don't even know if I believe there is a "higher power" so I would like to be called neither atheist nor agnostic...I think the word confused will fit. Maybe I should just make a new word for all the people like me out there, because I know I can't be the only one to ever feel this way and go through this kind of experience.

Homework is beginning it's consumption of my life. I have quite a bit to read tonight as well as a quiz everyday for the next week. Then Im sure many tests will come. I think I have enough of a challenge without killing myself, but I must say I don't have all that much slack that you would expect for a senior.

I am counting down the days, there are 168 of them left HOORAH!

In Grey's Anatomy Meredith Grey does a voiceover saying "I don’t know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I’d say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure. Fear of pain. Fear of rejection. Sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you’re wrong? What if you make a mistake you can’t undo? Whatever it is we're afraid of, one thing holds true: that by the time the pain of not doing the thing gets worse than the fear of doing it, it can feel like we're carrying around a giant tumor."

You're probably wondering why in the world I would quote that. It is because I believe it to be truth. Humans are naturally and instinctively driven by fear. Sometimes it is a good fear that motivates us. Like fear of heart disease if we gain anymore weight, so we beginning excercising. There's also many unhealthy fears. Fear of failure. Perfectionist's, like myself, almost always live with a fear of this. Because of this in many cases and situations we don't try. We don't try to become an astronaut because we think we would make a better teacher or that we aren't good enough to get in law school so why bother.

The fear that consumes most seniors at one point or another during their senior year is the fear of making a decision. Ali, my wise friend, noted that the decision of your choice of continuing education impacts almost everything for the rest of your life. It can depend on what you make, what jobs are available to you, what opportunities you have, your networking, your spouse, your kids, where you will live, all of this and more. Just because of where you decided to study for college. I don't know about you but that is a bit overwhelming. The thing is we have to trust our gut. We have to wholeheartedly believe we made the right decision in which ever we choose because if we don't we begin to look for reasons why we shouldn't have gone with this. We begin to compare it to where we could have been. We wonder what our lives would be like if only we had chosen the other school.

I have a hard time with this myself, seeing as I have never been a person to really just go with my gut but I am growing up and I need to do more of that. People with dissapoint you again and again, religion may come up short, and philosophies can only help us to begint o understand ourselves and the world around us. You have to put faith in yourself. You have to know that you are doing what's best for you. I wrestle with this everyday, trying desperately to conquer the other side of me that wants to believe everyone but myself.

In my heart I really believe UK is where I am suppose to be. I am going to follow my heart, are you?

I have 2 more things to address before I let you slip back into reality. I have a lovely note to Fallon.

Dear Bunny/Neuna(pronounced Noo-Nuh),

Your note once again was boring. I can't believe it is so hard for you to try and change your style of writing thats so funny to me. I hope I remember to meet you tomorrow and give you Cole's necklace thing. I know you didn't say anything, I promise I trust you 100%. After I read your note I felt bad for not going to get food, you could have told me. It's just I was going to talk to...well you know. I love how in your note your all like ohh J I like him so much and then you get in my car and are like I think we're through. You need to pick one! Im going to be really sad when the icy place closes for the rest of the year :(. Im sorry I know my note is rather boring too. Oh and if you want a ride my car will be a little closer to school since iM getting there earlier so just let me know if you want to or not when I meet you tomorrow.

I love you!!

Finally I want to post what I believe is the Class of '09 Song. I think it really sums up what/who we are. It talks about celebrating and overcoming. Making it through. Although we have 168 days to go I think this is going to be my song for the Class of '09, enjoy.

Change: Taylor Swift
It's a sad picture, the final blow hits you
Somebody else gets what you wanted
again, you know it's all the same
Another time and place
Repeating history your getting sick of it.

But I believe in whatever you do
And I'll do anything
To see it through

Because these things
Will change, we can feel it now
These walls that they put up to hold us back will fall down
It's a revolution
That's how we'll come
Who we're supposed to be
We'll sing hallelujah We'll sing hallelujah Oh

So you've been out numbered
Raided, out cornered
It's hard to fight when the fight ain't fair
You're getting stronger now find things they never found
They might be better but we're faster
And never scared
You can walk away say that we don't need this
There's something in your eyes says we can beat this

Because these things will change we can feel it now
These walls that they put up to hold us back will fall down
It's a revolution it's how we'll become who we're
We'll sing hallelujah We'll sing hallelujah Oh

Tonight we're standing on our feet to fight for what we worked
For all these years the battle of long it's the fight of our lives
We'll stand up champions tonight
And it's the night things changed

We can see it now these walls that they put up to hold us back fell down
It's a revolution throw your hands up
Cause we never gave in
We'll sing hallelujah We'll sang hallelujah
Hallelujah